document.write("\x3cdiv class\x3d\x22feedburnerFeedBlock\x22 id\x3d\x22Malexperience9atkbpn2cf2ncqh6urr9k2sp6o\x22\x3e");
document.write("\x3cp class\x3d\x22feedTitle\x22\x3e\x3ca href\x3d\x22http://malexperience.com\x22\x3eLast 5 Male eXperience Posts\x3c/a\x3e\x3c/p\x3e");
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document.write("\x3cli\x3e\x3cspan class\x3d\x22headline\x22\x3e\x3ca href\x3d\x22http://malexperience.com/2012/01/do-you-need-to-shift/\x22 target\x3d\x22_blank\x22 \x3eDo you need to shift how you play at life?\x3c/a\x3e\x3c/span\x3e");
document.write("\x3cdiv\x3e\x3cp\x3e\x3ca href\x3d\x22http://images.malexperience.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/be-the-change.png\x22\x3e\x3cimg class\x3d\x22alignright size-full wp-image-7822\x22 title\x3d\x22be-the-change\x22 src\x3d\x22http://images.malexperience.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/be-the-change.png\x22 alt\x3d\x22\x22 width\x3d\x22300\x22 height\x3d\x22450\x22 /\x3e\x3c/a\x3e\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cdiv class\x3d\x22gpIntro\x22\x3e\n\x3cp\x3e\x3cspan class\x3d\x22dropCap\x22\x3eD\x3c/span\x3eo you feel that your life has stagnated and is not moving forward?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eWhat if you could find a way to let it develop and grow?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3c/div\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eDo you need to shift how you play at life to something more creative. Do you need to build something more dynamic, creative, something more exciting in your life.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eDo you need to feel more energized in your life.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eWould you like to become more creative and passionate, would you like your life to become more creative and passionate?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eUnderstanding change will enable you to move towards your vision and live life at full potential. You will get a new approach to life that will steer you towards success, success in business but more importantly success in your relationship, success with your woman.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eHow would that change your life if you knew that you could wake up every morning to this new, exciting, creative, passionate relationship? How different would your life be? How much more thrilling would your life be?\x3cspan id\x3d\x22more-7818\x22\x3e\x3c/span\x3e\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eLiving a life of purpose leads naturally to the question of change. Developing your purpose in life and finding a way to live it means facing the issue of change.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eHow you\u2019re going to change, to follow your purpose.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eChange is something that\u2019s constant in life but something you may shy away from. Natural change means you grow older and shift your viewpoint of life. Conscious change however can be traumatic or it can be liberating, it depends how you look at it. Are you a towards or away from person? Do you look forwards or backwards? Will conscious change for you be traumatic or will you allow it to be liberating?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eA vision gives you a target to move your life towards; it encapsulates the process of change you\u2019ve built into your life. The question, though, is does it create the change that is most beneficial to you? Is this change conscious enough to deal with the issues you have so far identified?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eIt\u2019s important that the change you seek is to yourself, not to an outside situation or another person. The Serenity Prayer is always used at Alcoholics Anonymous, and other 12 step groups.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cblockquote\x3e\x3cp\x3e\u201cGod grant me the courage to change the things that I can, to accept the things I can\u2019t and the wisdom to know the difference.\u201d\x3c/p\x3e\x3c/blockquote\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eThe ability to see that change is about you and not someone else or something else is crucial, essential. Don\u2019t misunderstand this plea for change. You\u2019re not going to go out and change the world, you\u2019re going to go out and change yourself.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3ePassion is ultimately what drives change.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eWhen we feel passionate about our life, our career, our relationship, or anything else we are able to change in order to drive our life forwards. Passion creates a towards movement because we want to fulfill the objectives we\u2019ve identified in our vision.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cblockquote\x3e\x3cp\x3e\u201cChange, is it necessary\u201d you ask? \u201cIsn\u2019t it easier to stay as I am?\u201d\x3c/p\x3e\x3c/blockquote\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eThis is in the minds of many men and may well be in your mind. It\u2019s taken so much to get where you are, do you really need to go further? Of course not, if you just want to keep doing the same old thing. It depends what you want, where you want to go, what you want to achieve?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eIf you want to open up your life and inspire others then change is just the starting price. If you want to see change in others you have to start with yourself. If you want to see the world develop and grow and you want to see action on the problems in this world then change is absolutely essential.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eChange in yourself, change of yourself is what empowers others. You should see yourself, always, as an example to others, as an inspiration to others. You should see your life as being one that people see and respect and admire and want to follow.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eThere are many ways to achieve change. Sometimes complicated and often off putting for men. I was recently at an event in Las Vegas where I learned about rewiring my neuro-pathways and Ericksonian Hypnosis. This was so I could deal with some of the more complex issues of change. Many men, though, want life to be more simple, they just want to become what they envision. Is that what you want? Do you just want to become what you envision or do you want more. Do you want life to go further?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eI\u2019m sure at some level you feel you want more. The issue many men face is how to achieve this simplicity of change. You can make the mistake of thinking it\u2019s just the outward world that needs to shift whereas it is internally the work really needs to happen.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eEven simple change needs to come from inside, needs to come from the heart.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eHow are you changing?\x3cspan id\x3d\x22pty_trigger\x22\x3e\x3c/span\x3e\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cdiv class\x3d\x22feedflare\x22\x3e\n\x3ca href\x3d\x22http://feeds.malexperience.com/~ff/Malexperience?a\x3dDiVKb40MHHE:nOfETRPgOXo:V_sGLiPBpWU\x22\x3e\x3cimg src\x3d\x22http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/Malexperience?i\x3dDiVKb40MHHE:nOfETRPgOXo:V_sGLiPBpWU\x22 border\x3d\x220\x22\x3e\x3c/img\x3e\x3c/a\x3e \x3ca href\x3d\x22http://feeds.malexperience.com/~ff/Malexperience?a\x3dDiVKb40MHHE:nOfETRPgOXo:qj6IDK7rITs\x22\x3e\x3cimg src\x3d\x22http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/Malexperience?d\x3dqj6IDK7rITs\x22 border\x3d\x220\x22\x3e\x3c/img\x3e\x3c/a\x3e \x3ca href\x3d\x22http://feeds.malexperience.com/~ff/Malexperience?a\x3dDiVKb40MHHE:nOfETRPgOXo:gIN9vFwOqvQ\x22\x3e\x3cimg src\x3d\x22http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/Malexperience?i\x3dDiVKb40MHHE:nOfETRPgOXo:gIN9vFwOqvQ\x22 border\x3d\x220\x22\x3e\x3c/img\x3e\x3c/a\x3e\n\x3c/div\x3e\x3c/div\x3e");
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document.write("\x3cli\x3e\x3cspan class\x3d\x22headline\x22\x3e\x3ca href\x3d\x22http://malexperience.com/2012/01/male-sexuality/\x22 target\x3d\x22_blank\x22 \x3eMale Sexuality and Fear\x3c/a\x3e\x3c/span\x3e");
document.write("\x3cdiv\x3e\x3cp\x3e\x3ca href\x3d\x22http://images.malexperience.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/HTLW-Cover-1.png\x22\x3e\x3cimg class\x3d\x22alignright size-full wp-image-7703\x22 title\x3d\x22HTLW Cover 1\x22 src\x3d\x22http://images.malexperience.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/HTLW-Cover-1.png\x22 alt\x3d\x22\x22 width\x3d\x22300\x22 height\x3d\x22450\x22 /\x3e\x3c/a\x3e\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cdiv class\x3d\x22gpIntro\x22\x3e\n\x3cp\x3e\x3cspan class\x3d\x22dropCap\x22\x3eI\x3c/span\x3e am about to launch an online course for men called \x26#8216;How To Love A Woman\x26#8217;.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eI deal with many issues in it, but one of the most important is the issue of Male Sexuality.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3c/div\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eMen can feel caught between the need to be men and the perception of abuse. It stems from the man\u2019s lack of certainty about himself and his ability to deal with male sexuality and polarity. Male sexuality is a potent force that needs to be understood and integrated as part of a man\u2019s personality rather than simply controlled.\x3cspan id\x3d\x22more-7810\x22\x3e\x3c/span\x3e\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eHere is a short video clip taken from the course:\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3e\x3ciframe src\x3d\x22http://www.youtube.com/embed/IBRMdlCydyU?rel\x3d0\x22 frameborder\x3d\x220\x22 width\x3d\x22640\x22 height\x3d\x22360\x22\x3e\x3c/iframe\x3e\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp align\x3d\x22left\x22\x3eMany men have difficulties in their physical relationships. Despite the talk of male sexual dominance, in a relationship the opposite is frequently the problem.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp align\x3d\x22left\x22\x3eFor a man to be potent is for him to be strong, powerful and fully in charge of his sexuality in his physical relationship. This is the ideal, but how can it be achieved in the daily stress of living with his partner?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp align\x3d\x22left\x22\x3eThe course \x26#8216;How To Love A Woman\x26#8217; will reveal the answers.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3e\x3cspan id\x3d\x22pty_trigger\x22\x3e\x3c/span\x3e\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cdiv class\x3d\x22feedflare\x22\x3e\n\x3ca href\x3d\x22http://feeds.malexperience.com/~ff/Malexperience?a\x3dX4rjpl-aNvY:8CRkpE-Dj1I:V_sGLiPBpWU\x22\x3e\x3cimg src\x3d\x22http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/Malexperience?i\x3dX4rjpl-aNvY:8CRkpE-Dj1I:V_sGLiPBpWU\x22 border\x3d\x220\x22\x3e\x3c/img\x3e\x3c/a\x3e \x3ca href\x3d\x22http://feeds.malexperience.com/~ff/Malexperience?a\x3dX4rjpl-aNvY:8CRkpE-Dj1I:qj6IDK7rITs\x22\x3e\x3cimg src\x3d\x22http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/Malexperience?d\x3dqj6IDK7rITs\x22 border\x3d\x220\x22\x3e\x3c/img\x3e\x3c/a\x3e \x3ca href\x3d\x22http://feeds.malexperience.com/~ff/Malexperience?a\x3dX4rjpl-aNvY:8CRkpE-Dj1I:gIN9vFwOqvQ\x22\x3e\x3cimg src\x3d\x22http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/Malexperience?i\x3dX4rjpl-aNvY:8CRkpE-Dj1I:gIN9vFwOqvQ\x22 border\x3d\x220\x22\x3e\x3c/img\x3e\x3c/a\x3e\n\x3c/div\x3e\x3c/div\x3e");
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document.write("\x3cli\x3e\x3cspan class\x3d\x22headline\x22\x3e\x3ca href\x3d\x22http://malexperience.com/2012/01/taking-responsibility/\x22 target\x3d\x22_blank\x22 \x3eIs Telling Your Story Taking Responsibility\x3c/a\x3e\x3c/span\x3e");
document.write("\x3cdiv\x3e\x3cp\x3e\x3ca href\x3d\x22http://images.malexperience.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/feminist.png\x22\x3e\x3cimg class\x3d\x22alignright size-full wp-image-7804\x22 title\x3d\x22feminist\x22 src\x3d\x22http://images.malexperience.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/feminist.png\x22 alt\x3d\x22\x22 width\x3d\x22300\x22 height\x3d\x22450\x22 /\x3e\x3c/a\x3e\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cdiv class\x3d\x22gpIntro\x22\x3e\n\x3cp\x3e\x3cspan class\x3d\x22dropCap\x22\x3eI\x3c/span\x3e have been reading about Hugo Schwyzer revealing \x3ca title\x3d\x22A Response by Hugo Schwyzer\x22 href\x3d\x22http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2012/01/04/a-response/\x22 target\x3d\x22_blank\x22\x3ehis past\x3c/a\x3e on the internet.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eI won\x26#8217;t detail it here, go and read it for yourself.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3c/div\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eIt\x26#8217;s ugly and it\x26#8217;s typical, in many ways, of how many men dominate women.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eHis post talks about how he has changed and how he is in recovery. Of the past he says,\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cblockquote\x3e\x3cp\x3e\x26#8220;For many years, I\u2019ve said that my behavior on and before June 27, 1998 was unconscionable. I was an active alcoholic and addict who caused great pain to a great many people. I was fortunate indeed never to be arrested. [...] I did have consensual sexual relationships with female students in the two years prior to my last drink, something which was profoundly unethical and immoral. Even when I wasn\u2019t high, my behavior during those years was compulsive and frequently destructive.\x26#8221;\x3c/p\x3e\x3c/blockquote\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eand that\x26#8217;s it\x26#8230;\x3cspan id\x3d\x22more-7798\x22\x3e\x3c/span\x3e\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eOh, he was asked to write the rules for the college he taught at to prevent anyone else doing what he did. Wow! That taught him didn\x26#8217;t it?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eIt\x26#8217;s important, and brave, that he stood up and admitted his shame and owned up to what he did. But is that enough? Should he be praised for his honesty and courage and left to get on with his life, doing what he did before?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eLisa Hickey, editor of The Good Man Project, said in \x26#8216;\x3ca href\x3d\x22http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/in-defense-of-storytelling-a-hat-tip-to-hugo-schwyzer/\x22 target\x3d\x22_blank\x22\x3eIn Defense of Storytelling: A Hat Tip to Hugo Schwyzer\x3c/a\x3e\x26#8216;,\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cblockquote\x3e\x3cp\x3e\x26#8220;I respect Hugo and all he has done on his path to restorative justice. I hope that others will let him continue that path \u2013 openly, honestly, with the grace and compassion he deserves.\x26#8221;\x3c/p\x3e\x3c/blockquote\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eHow should you deal with shame, how should you make amends, can you just move on with your life?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eLisa Hickey thinks that being able to tell your story without shame is what\x26#8217;s important, she said,\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cblockquote\x3e\x3cp\x3e\x26#8220;Abuse plus silence paves a path for more abuse. If we\u2019re ever going to put a stop to abuse of all kinds we have to let people talk about it. We have to let people tell their stories.\x26#8221;\x3c/p\x3e\x3c/blockquote\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eYes, we do, but we don\x26#8217;t need to praise someone who was a perpetrator not a victim. We need him to take responsibility for his past as an alcoholic, as a drug addict, as an abuser.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eThe twelve steps of AA are a good place to find the answers to this dilemma. Step 5 says,\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cblockquote\x3e\x3cp\x3e\x26#8220;Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.\x26#8221;\x3c/p\x3e\x3c/blockquote\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eSo that\x26#8217;s telling your story, but it refers to the exact nature of your wrongs. It means owning up to to what you did, not publicly, but truly and in detail.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eSteps 8 and 9 contain, for me, the crux of the matter,\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cblockquote\x3e\x3cp\x3e\x26#8220;Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3e\x26#8220;Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.\x26#8221;\x3c/p\x3e\x3c/blockquote\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eMaking amends is where most people trip up. Does it just mean saying sorry, admitting your shame or disgrace and hoping that suffices. For me that is not enough. What\x26#8217;s behind these steps is the concept of taking responsibility for your actions now and in the future.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eThere may be personal acts that are needed, that\x26#8217;s for a person to decide, but there are public acts as well. One of the first an alcoholic makes is to stop drinking. I think there are times when other equivalent public acts are required.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eIn the case of HS much of what he did involved the female students he taught about privilege, domination, patriarchy and all the ways men dominate through their gender. But he is still there, still teaching, still dominating. He argues that the sex was consensual, isn\x26#8217;t that what all rapists argue? Isn\x26#8217;t rape about domination by men who are in positions of control over women?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eHow is he making amends for this, other than by talking about it?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eIn Britain you cannot work with children in any way until you have been through a Police check to show that you have no history of child abuse. That\x26#8217;s as it should be, children need to be protected. But what about young girls who are no longer children but may still be vulnerable to a powerful, respected man in a position of control over them. Should that man, if he has a history of abuse, even if he claims it was consensual, be allowed to stay in that position.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eThe simple answer for me is NO.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eWhat do you think making amends means?\x3cspan id\x3d\x22pty_trigger\x22\x3e\x3c/span\x3e\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cdiv class\x3d\x22feedflare\x22\x3e\n\x3ca href\x3d\x22http://feeds.malexperience.com/~ff/Malexperience?a\x3dOtYAXkAcvcg:ds9qTAUU5cw:V_sGLiPBpWU\x22\x3e\x3cimg src\x3d\x22http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/Malexperience?i\x3dOtYAXkAcvcg:ds9qTAUU5cw:V_sGLiPBpWU\x22 border\x3d\x220\x22\x3e\x3c/img\x3e\x3c/a\x3e \x3ca href\x3d\x22http://feeds.malexperience.com/~ff/Malexperience?a\x3dOtYAXkAcvcg:ds9qTAUU5cw:qj6IDK7rITs\x22\x3e\x3cimg src\x3d\x22http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/Malexperience?d\x3dqj6IDK7rITs\x22 border\x3d\x220\x22\x3e\x3c/img\x3e\x3c/a\x3e \x3ca href\x3d\x22http://feeds.malexperience.com/~ff/Malexperience?a\x3dOtYAXkAcvcg:ds9qTAUU5cw:gIN9vFwOqvQ\x22\x3e\x3cimg src\x3d\x22http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/Malexperience?i\x3dOtYAXkAcvcg:ds9qTAUU5cw:gIN9vFwOqvQ\x22 border\x3d\x220\x22\x3e\x3c/img\x3e\x3c/a\x3e\n\x3c/div\x3e\x3c/div\x3e");
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document.write("\x3cli\x3e\x3cspan class\x3d\x22headline\x22\x3e\x3ca href\x3d\x22http://malexperience.com/2011/12/importance-of-intimacy/\x22 target\x3d\x22_blank\x22 \x3eThe Importance Of Intimacy Between Fathers And Sons\x3c/a\x3e\x3c/span\x3e");
document.write("\x3cdiv\x3e\x3cp\x3e\x3cimg class\x3d\x22alignright size-full wp-image-7788\x22 title\x3d\x22Hug\x22 src\x3d\x22http://images.malexperience.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Hug.png\x22 alt\x3d\x22\x22 width\x3d\x22300\x22 height\x3d\x22450\x22 /\x3e\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cblockquote\x3e\x3cp\x3e\u201cI\u2019d argue that perhaps the only thing that garners more suspicion than a father being affectionate with his daughter, is a father being affectionate with his son!\u201d\x3c/p\x3e\x3c/blockquote\x3e\n\x3cdiv class\x3d\x22gpIntro\x22\x3e\n\x3cp\x3e\x3cspan class\x3d\x22dropCap\x22\x3eI\x3c/span\x3e read this recently from a commenter on \x26#8216;The Good Men Project\x26#8217; and was amazed.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eI wondered if I lived on the same planet as this man or whether I have ignored what people think all these years.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3c/div\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eI am a man and I have two sons who are now in their thirties. They are perfectly normal, well-adjusted men and we hug and kiss in public. This is not some overt display of family emotion: it\u2019s just something we do. Am I supposed to worry about this, about what people might feel? Am I supposed to feel guilty and see the finger of suspicion pointing at me?\x3cspan id\x3d\x22more-7784\x22\x3e\x3c/span\x3e\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eLast year I was working in a small church in Ireland, re-designing the lighting. I was in a design meeting with the architect and the priest (it was a Catholic church) and I found myself intrigued by some of the work that was proposed.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eThere was the re-design of the confessional that put a glass door in the front. There was the building of a mezzanine floor in the sacristy so the choirboys could change separately from the men and priests. I enquired about these, to be told by the priest that these were now a requirement because of the revelations about the terrible misdeeds of many Catholic priests.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eThe priest was quite unconcerned about the needs for these changes; he felt no personal guilt for the terrible happenings but recognized that the Church needed to feel a sense of public recognition, even guilt, for the situation. If strategic architectural changes meant the life of the Church could continue, then that was okay.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eThe problem with this is that all it does is feed people\u2019s paranoia. It does nothing to change what individuals may or may not do.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eI feel the same about how I behave with my boys, and with others in my life. If I stopped showing my affectionate feelings I wouldn\u2019t actually change anything: it would just feed people\u2019s paranoia. If I really were a sexual predator I hardly think that I would call people\u2019s attention to it by such public displays.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eI think that we help people to come to terms with their emotions by showing them that can display them openly. Here, I am talking specifically to men.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eSo many men are brought up to believe that showing emotion is a feminine trait. So many men fear how public displays of emotion might be interpreted by others. Instead of hugging, men slap each other\u2019s backs in a show of \u201cmasculine\u201d bravado. Men shake hands with their boys, fearing sexual tension if they bring their bodies together.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eI openly kiss women and hug men\u2014no back-slapping\u2014and I put all my emotion into it. I rarely offend people. I kiss my gay male friends without any connotations or confusion.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eWhere, I wonder, does the guilt come in to such innocent displays of love? It\u2019s clear that if men have taken things too far and crossed boundaries,then they should feel guilty. If men have taken advantage of their sons or daughters, then they deserve our despising of them. But love between family and friends: should that create guilt?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3ePerhaps men are confused by the feelings stirred by close physical contact. Perhaps they find their daughter attractive or find they have a response to the physical power and strength in their son. That\u2019s understandable to me. I feel the power and energy in many people I have contact with, even my sons. I recognise them as men and enjoy the physical intimacy.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eBut I know the difference between close, warm physical intimacy and sexuality. I know when I am sexually aroused and when I feel intensely close to someone. I know the power of sexual polarity and I respond to it.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eI feel strong sexual polarity with my wife, not with my family and friends. I know the difference.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eMaybe that\u2019s where the guilt comes in. That\u2019s what causes the confusion: when men have not learned the difference between sexual polarity and strong emotion they get confused about what\u2019s going on and feel guilty. Where people in general get confused about this they see things that are not there and start accusing people.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eI love sex and I feel sexual emotions powerfully. I am in a relationship where I can express these emotions and thoroughly enjoy my sexual urges. How would I be if I didn\u2019t have this?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eAre men, as they are often presumed to be, just sexual predators who will prey on anyone they meet, including sons and daughters? Do men need to fill their sexual urges somehow? Are men incapable of controlling themselves?\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eFor me the answer is \u201cno,\u201d to all of these questions. Sex is a powerful drive in men, but it can be controlled. There is no reason why men need to fear what they are going to do. Self-control does, however, require strength and maturity. It requires men to feel strong in themselves and proud of themselves as men.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eI think this is achieved through emotional strength and authenticity. So I openly hug and kiss my sons so they can express their emotions and feel strong in the process. If I succumbed to feeling guilty and drew back, I would create in my sons the very guilt that makes people draw back.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eIn the end it\u2019s a generational issue. If, as men, we show our emotions we clear the air and allow future generations to be open and authentic. They will no longer need to feel guilt.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cdiv class\x3d\x22gpBox\x22\x3eThis post was originally published as \x26#8216;\x3ca title\x3d\x22Love Is Not Arousal\x22 href\x3d\x22http://goodmenproject.com/families/love-is-not-arousal/\x22 target\x3d\x22_blank\x22\x3eLove Is Not Arousal\x3c/a\x3e\x26#8216; on The Good Men Project\x26#8217;.\x3c/div\x3e\n\x3cp\x3e\x3cspan id\x3d\x22pty_trigger\x22\x3e\x3c/span\x3e\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cdiv class\x3d\x22feedflare\x22\x3e\n\x3ca href\x3d\x22http://feeds.malexperience.com/~ff/Malexperience?a\x3dfT5uZ-2r7RM:Eu9d1QVoPJw:V_sGLiPBpWU\x22\x3e\x3cimg src\x3d\x22http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/Malexperience?i\x3dfT5uZ-2r7RM:Eu9d1QVoPJw:V_sGLiPBpWU\x22 border\x3d\x220\x22\x3e\x3c/img\x3e\x3c/a\x3e \x3ca href\x3d\x22http://feeds.malexperience.com/~ff/Malexperience?a\x3dfT5uZ-2r7RM:Eu9d1QVoPJw:qj6IDK7rITs\x22\x3e\x3cimg src\x3d\x22http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/Malexperience?d\x3dqj6IDK7rITs\x22 border\x3d\x220\x22\x3e\x3c/img\x3e\x3c/a\x3e \x3ca href\x3d\x22http://feeds.malexperience.com/~ff/Malexperience?a\x3dfT5uZ-2r7RM:Eu9d1QVoPJw:gIN9vFwOqvQ\x22\x3e\x3cimg src\x3d\x22http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/Malexperience?i\x3dfT5uZ-2r7RM:Eu9d1QVoPJw:gIN9vFwOqvQ\x22 border\x3d\x220\x22\x3e\x3c/img\x3e\x3c/a\x3e\n\x3c/div\x3e\x3c/div\x3e");
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document.write("\x3cli\x3e\x3cspan class\x3d\x22headline\x22\x3e\x3ca href\x3d\x22http://malexperience.com/2011/12/dont-step-back/\x22 target\x3d\x22_blank\x22 \x3eStep Up BUT Don\x26rsquo;t Step Back\x3c/a\x3e\x3c/span\x3e");
document.write("\x3cdiv\x3e\x3cdiv id\x3d\x22attachment_7776\x22 class\x3d\x22wp-caption alignright\x22 style\x3d\x22width: 310px\x22\x3e\x3cimg class\x3d\x22size-full wp-image-7776\x22 title\x3d\x22GP Mirror\x22 src\x3d\x22http://images.malexperience.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/GP-Mirror.png\x22 alt\x3d\x22\x22 width\x3d\x22300\x22 height\x3d\x22450\x22 /\x3e\x3c/a\x3e\n\x3cp class\x3d\x22wp-caption-text\x22\x3eDon\x26#39;t Look Back\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3c/div\x3e\n\x3cdiv class\x3d\x22gpIntro\x22\x3e\x3cspan class\x3d\x22dropCap\x22\x3eY\x3c/span\x3eesterday I was talking to Urmila and a female friend about men.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eWe were talking about their experience, as women, of men.\x3c/p\x3e\x3c/div\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eOne of the biggest issues they identified was the inability of many men\x26#8212;and I mean many men\x26#8212;to stay true to themselves and their strength.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eThey step up\x26#8230; and then\x26#8230; they step back.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eMuch of what I write about in Male eXperience is encouraging and helping men to step up. To step up and be a man is what so many men want. They feel weak or inadequate, or they feel fear of over-stepping the mark. They are seeking how to find, and live in, their own strength. They are looking for their Personal Masculinity.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eThe two ladies I was talking to have experience of helping and encouraging men to find their strength in their own lives. They have done this because of two important female qualities.\x3cspan id\x3d\x22more-7775\x22\x3e\x3c/span\x3e\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eThe first is that they can sense, and almost see, the capabilities of the man they are with. This is nothing to do with deciding what the man should be or what he should do, but is everything to do with seeing the man\x26#8217;s capabilities. Often the man is unsure of himself but the woman is very sure of what he is capable of.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eThe second is the intuition a woman has about where the man is at any moment, in terms of his capabilities. They know, instinctively, whether a man is in his strength or not. This has nothing to do with what he says or does, it is about the energy he gives off. A woman senses that energy even when the man has no idea it exists.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eThere are men who just don\x26#8217;t reach their inner strength, no matter what they do. They often have issues they need to work on, blocks they need to remove.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eWhat upsets the women, in particular the two I was talking to, is the men who do step up\x26#8230; and then step back again.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eThis is more common than I realised. This is the man who finds his strength, his masculinity, his sense of himself, and then finds he is incapable of maintaining it. He becomes frightened of it. Maybe it sets off alarm bells in his consciousness, reminders of lessons from his mother or father, maybe it triggers memories of when it hasn\x26#8217;t worked in the past, maybe he fears ridicule, maybe he just can\x26#8217;t stand the responsibility, maybe he doesn\x26#8217;t like the uncertainty. Whatever is the issue, he withdraws from his place of power and seeks confirmation that he is OK.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eWell, he isn\x26#8217;t!\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eMen. you have to understand that women want to see you in this place of power and strength. It\x26#8217;s not power over them, it\x26#8217;s power over yourself.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eWhen you find it, hold it and build it.\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cp\x3eFeel the energy of it and celebrate it.\x3cspan id\x3d\x22pty_trigger\x22\x3e\x3c/span\x3e\x3c/p\x3e\n\x3cdiv class\x3d\x22feedflare\x22\x3e\n\x3ca href\x3d\x22http://feeds.malexperience.com/~ff/Malexperience?a\x3dAor_FlkimL0:ZBU5mvFB9g4:V_sGLiPBpWU\x22\x3e\x3cimg src\x3d\x22http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/Malexperience?i\x3dAor_FlkimL0:ZBU5mvFB9g4:V_sGLiPBpWU\x22 border\x3d\x220\x22\x3e\x3c/img\x3e\x3c/a\x3e \x3ca href\x3d\x22http://feeds.malexperience.com/~ff/Malexperience?a\x3dAor_FlkimL0:ZBU5mvFB9g4:qj6IDK7rITs\x22\x3e\x3cimg src\x3d\x22http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/Malexperience?d\x3dqj6IDK7rITs\x22 border\x3d\x220\x22\x3e\x3c/img\x3e\x3c/a\x3e \x3ca href\x3d\x22http://feeds.malexperience.com/~ff/Malexperience?a\x3dAor_FlkimL0:ZBU5mvFB9g4:gIN9vFwOqvQ\x22\x3e\x3cimg src\x3d\x22http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/Malexperience?i\x3dAor_FlkimL0:ZBU5mvFB9g4:gIN9vFwOqvQ\x22 border\x3d\x220\x22\x3e\x3c/img\x3e\x3c/a\x3e\n\x3c/div\x3e\x3c/div\x3e");
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